I'm a sucker for a good cover tune. To me, anyone can regurgitate a carbon copy of the original song and this is uninteresting. What makes a good cover tune is when the new artist enhances or rearranges the original. This is when cover tune magic happens. Enjoy.
I Live On The Second Floor - In 1987 Suzanne Vega released what would become the most famous song about a victim of child abuse. And while I applaud her courage and willingness to take on this uncomfortable subject matter, the song itself was unbearable and it was everywhere! You couldn't escape it. Radio, MTV, it was viral before there was such a word. Suddenly Suzanne Vega and her creation, "Luka" were household names. The original song was pure 80's cheese, with impressive overproduction and bad synthesizers. Vega's delivery in the song is almost robotic at times and devoid of the emotion the subject matter deserves. In 1989, The Lemonheads turned "Luka" on its ear. They sped up the tempo, added heavy, dirty guitar, Evan Dando's distinctive voice, and gave it the edginess the song deserves.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Straight Man's Guide To Dancing
My in-laws bought my wife and myself tickets to the traveling show of "So You Think You Can Dance?" I witnessed this pop culture phenomenon on Tuesday evening. My man card is still valid...barely.
I've got to say, I don't watch the show and I didn't know these dancers from Adam. They were fantastic.
And not a straight man in the cast. Well maybe one or two, but it was definitely ambiguous. I even learned a new term, "Krumping". I'm still not sure what Krumping is, but it looks really fucking hard. I think the Krumpers might have been the only straight men.
The point being, is that it got me to thinking about dancing and male, machismo. Krumpers aside, there was a lot of prancing around and fluttering about. Why is it us blue blooded men have an aversion to dance? Indeed we are downright intimidated by it. It is, after all, arguably the oldest form of human, artistic expression. I recall as a younger man, my palms sweating and the sleepless nights when I was invited to a wedding and the subsequent wedding reception. I could Funky Chicken with the best of them, but what was I going to do when "Brick House" came roaring over the speakers? When I eventually married a dancing woman, the horror of past dancing humiliation flashed before me. Was I relegated to a secret life of dance loathing while pretending to love it in my wife's presence? I needed to develop a strategy.
I've always maintained that there are only 2 reasons for a man to dance.
1. You're gay
2. You're not gay but you're trying to hook up with a woman
Apparently there is a 3rd reason. Your wife loves to dance and if you don't get your sorry ass dancing, you will disappoint wife and wife will inevitably be hit on, especially by Krumpers.
So to my macho brethren, here are some tactics I suggest you employ when you find yourself faced with a dancing situation that is unavoidable.
Camouflage - Simmer down, Fred Astaire. No solo dance for you, even if your Ginger Rogers insists on you being the first ones to the floor. Go to the bathroom, fake an injury, call in a bomb threat. Whatever it takes to make sure that there are other people, preferably many, many other people on the floor to hide your lack of rhythm.
Song Selection - You need a song with a solid beat. This is no time for interpretive dance to an acoustic ballad or avante garde jazz number. Leave that to the professionals. If partner insists, see above. Again don't accentuate your inadequacies. Drums are a straight man's best friend. They are like a giant neon sign for the beat.
Weeding The Herd - This is a tactic used by predators when they isolate the weakest member of a herd, but it is just as effective in dancing. Find the worst dancer you can and stick near them like stink on a monkey. Their dance misfortune is your gain. You will look like Bob Fosse by comparison. My apologies to choreographiles, it's the only choreographer I've ever heard of. Don't send me your all-time greatest choreographer lists. I don't care.
Stick With What You Know - This is no time to go experimental. If the shuffle, shuffle, dip your knees is your strength, stick with it. If you're more of a toe bouncer, great. If pelvic thrust is more your cup of tea, thrust away. Maybe try a couple of combinations but don't get too fancy. Remember you do not want to call attention to yourself. And always remember, use your arms. There's no greater giveaway of an uptight dancer than the frozen arms and shoulders.
Alcohol - You're going to need a shit load of alcohol to make it through. Beer, wine, vodka/tonic, rum & coke, whiskey/soda, moonshine...it matters not. Alcohol is your friend. In fact, next to a heavy, drum beat, it's your best friend when it comes to straight man dancing.
I came across this dude on youtube. He may be the exception to the rule, although I need to hear him talk to make sure he is not in fact gay. Take a good look. You'll never be able to do this, but we can all dream.
On second thought, maybe we have a shot. I'll be practicing my moves if you need me.
I've got to say, I don't watch the show and I didn't know these dancers from Adam. They were fantastic.
And not a straight man in the cast. Well maybe one or two, but it was definitely ambiguous. I even learned a new term, "Krumping". I'm still not sure what Krumping is, but it looks really fucking hard. I think the Krumpers might have been the only straight men.
The point being, is that it got me to thinking about dancing and male, machismo. Krumpers aside, there was a lot of prancing around and fluttering about. Why is it us blue blooded men have an aversion to dance? Indeed we are downright intimidated by it. It is, after all, arguably the oldest form of human, artistic expression. I recall as a younger man, my palms sweating and the sleepless nights when I was invited to a wedding and the subsequent wedding reception. I could Funky Chicken with the best of them, but what was I going to do when "Brick House" came roaring over the speakers? When I eventually married a dancing woman, the horror of past dancing humiliation flashed before me. Was I relegated to a secret life of dance loathing while pretending to love it in my wife's presence? I needed to develop a strategy.
I've always maintained that there are only 2 reasons for a man to dance.
1. You're gay
2. You're not gay but you're trying to hook up with a woman
Apparently there is a 3rd reason. Your wife loves to dance and if you don't get your sorry ass dancing, you will disappoint wife and wife will inevitably be hit on, especially by Krumpers.
So to my macho brethren, here are some tactics I suggest you employ when you find yourself faced with a dancing situation that is unavoidable.
Camouflage - Simmer down, Fred Astaire. No solo dance for you, even if your Ginger Rogers insists on you being the first ones to the floor. Go to the bathroom, fake an injury, call in a bomb threat. Whatever it takes to make sure that there are other people, preferably many, many other people on the floor to hide your lack of rhythm.
Song Selection - You need a song with a solid beat. This is no time for interpretive dance to an acoustic ballad or avante garde jazz number. Leave that to the professionals. If partner insists, see above. Again don't accentuate your inadequacies. Drums are a straight man's best friend. They are like a giant neon sign for the beat.
Weeding The Herd - This is a tactic used by predators when they isolate the weakest member of a herd, but it is just as effective in dancing. Find the worst dancer you can and stick near them like stink on a monkey. Their dance misfortune is your gain. You will look like Bob Fosse by comparison. My apologies to choreographiles, it's the only choreographer I've ever heard of. Don't send me your all-time greatest choreographer lists. I don't care.
Stick With What You Know - This is no time to go experimental. If the shuffle, shuffle, dip your knees is your strength, stick with it. If you're more of a toe bouncer, great. If pelvic thrust is more your cup of tea, thrust away. Maybe try a couple of combinations but don't get too fancy. Remember you do not want to call attention to yourself. And always remember, use your arms. There's no greater giveaway of an uptight dancer than the frozen arms and shoulders.
Alcohol - You're going to need a shit load of alcohol to make it through. Beer, wine, vodka/tonic, rum & coke, whiskey/soda, moonshine...it matters not. Alcohol is your friend. In fact, next to a heavy, drum beat, it's your best friend when it comes to straight man dancing.
I came across this dude on youtube. He may be the exception to the rule, although I need to hear him talk to make sure he is not in fact gay. Take a good look. You'll never be able to do this, but we can all dream.
On second thought, maybe we have a shot. I'll be practicing my moves if you need me.
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